Homo Politicianus

The discovery of remains of a hitherto unknown human-like species in a South African cave is suddenly top news.

  • Sep. 15, 2015 7:00 a.m.

The discovery of remains of a hitherto unknown human-like species in a South African cave is suddenly top news. It shares headlines with the tragic refugee crisis unfolding along highways and byways in Europe, and the dramatic election campaign unfolding along highways and byways in Canada.

Researchers estimate the newly-found South African specimens may date back three million years; noting the modern-looking teeth, human-like feet, and a small braincase, scientists have named them “Homo Naledi.”

Many millennia after we have left this little blue planet, chances are researchers will dig up and document some of our remains, too. Chances are they will find a specimen in Canada with very similar characteristics to the South African discovery, regarding the teeth, feet and braincase.

However, they will also find that the remains had a nose that grew considerably longer while making promises during election campaigns.

They will name their new find “Homo Harpernocchio.” Further discoveries will be made of many more specimens with this peculiar nose dysfunction, and with coloured bones; these bones will be either blue, red, orange or green, and will be designated as a related sub-species called “Homo Politicianus.”

Bernie SmithParksville

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