Qualicum Beach Senior Risks Life Chasing Looter
Staff Reporter
A Qualicum senior wearing only a bathrobe (kimono-style; 100 per cent cotton; size M; wash in cold water; made in Japan) Tuesday dodged traffic and neighbors’ leers in a frantic pursuit spanning several metres and 25 seconds across a driveway and a traffic-free street.
Ronald Earle Fisher, 73, told The Bugle he has “no regrets” about chasing the early morning prowler, whom he described as “young, insolent, and dressed in a fur coat.”
The alleged thief is assumed to be one of dozens of roving gang members said to be looting Qualicum Beach properties with impunity.
“A fur coat! How much more arrogant could he be? I called the police, but they weren’t interested,” Fisher said.
A spokesperson for the Oceanside RCMP detachment disputed Fisher’s claim: “So far, the alleged thief has outsmarted us. Based on residents’ descriptions, the suspect has unusually large ears and prominent front teeth. We’ve had a tail on him for years. He goes by the name of ‘Bugsy.’”
Police have re-issued the wanted poster that appears every summer, adding there was “little chance he will be caught because he always goes to ground.”
Nicole Parton Fisher
Qualicum Beach
Editor’s note: It’s entirely possible the Oceanside RCMP were not actually contacted in regard to this satirical contribution. Further, it is our understanding that no bunnies were harmed in the making of this letter.