COLUMN: The lingering effects of bullying

Someone had reached out to make amends for what had happened

The conversation from out of my past was completely unexpected.

A few days ago, someone I had known in elementary school and junior high school reached out to apologize for bullying me during those years.

“I am truly sorry and I wish I could take it back,” he said. “It has been bothering me for years.”

The years from Grade 5 to Grade 9 were terrible. I was the victim of bullying during those years, not only from this person but from others as well.

There were many times when I wondered what I had done or what I was doing to deserve the bad treatment I was receiving.

It was a miserable, lonely period and I didn’t have friends to support me. Thankfully, I had my family and my faith in God to help me through the hard times.

Nothing I have experienced in the years following has been as difficult as what I felt then.

That’s part of the reason this apology meant so much. It was an acknowledgement, from someone else, that I had been mistreated.

It also showed people can change. I don’t know what led to his apology, but something happened, and today he is not the same person as when we were younger.

For the rest of the day, I had a smile on my face.

Someone had reached out to make amends for what had happened.

But that evening, I felt an immense sadness as well. It wasn’t a sadness for me or what I had experienced. Instead, the sadness was for the man who had apologized to me.

All this had happened around 40 years ago.

My life got better in high school, and within a few years after graduation, my elementary and junior high school years seemed like something from the distant past. I had moved on and I was happy.

My past was behind me. My present is amazing and I look forward to an exciting future.

Life is good now.

On rare occasions, I remember the bullying I endured so many years ago. It may be one of the reasons it takes me a while to trust people and to speak freely.

But I don’t feel resentment or bitterness towards the people who mistreated me in the past.

For the man who apologized, it has been different. For years, he carried the weight of past regrets. Over time, that weight grew heavier. Much heavier.

I learned that years ago he had tried to contact me, but he was unable to reach me. The only reason he was able to connect now was because he and my brother have a mutual acquaintance on social media.

“Being able to do this means more to me than you can guess,” he said when we finally connected.

The apology meant a lot to me as well. He wasn’t the only one to bully me, but he has been the only one to apologize.

I’ve been quite moved by our recent conversation, and it has prompted me to do a lot of thinking. There’s a lot more talk about bullying now than when I was growing up. Over the years, there have been numerous anti-bullying initiatives, including Pink Shirt Day, which will be held on Feb. 28.

But despite these efforts, bullying still happens today. It affects the perpetrators as well as the victims.

I wouldn’t wish my elementary and junior high school experiences on anyone.

But my heart also aches for the one who made the apology to me. He has had to live with his regrets for decades. And I know it hasn’t been easy for him.

John Arendt is the editor of the Summerland Review.

Just Posted

Mid-Vancouver Island air quality risk very high

Residents of the mid-Island area went to bed last night and awoke… Continue reading

Rogers ‘enhances’ wireless in Qualicum Beach

Announcement part of a multi-year national network plan

‘Beauty amongst such tragedy:’ B.C. photographer captures nature’s trifecta

David Luggi’s photo from a beach in Fraser Lake shows Shovel Lake wildfire, Big Dipper and an aurora

Blue Tie Campaign set to tee off Aug. 25

Annual event is fundraiser for the Island Prostate Centre

Vancouver Island woman to attempt historic swim across Juan de Fuca Strait today

Ultra-marathon swimmer Susan Simmons to attempt to swim from Victoria to Port Angeles and back

Suspect in Spiderman suit steals camera on Vancouver Island

Suspect in red and blue “onesie” caught on surveillance footage breaking into truck in Nanaimo

B.C. team stays alive in Little League World Series after another nail-biter

Surrey-based squad scored a 6-4 win over Mexico reps in Williamsport on Monday

Zeballos wildfire not getting any closer to town – BC Wildfire Service

Authorities optimistic about Zeballos; choppers grounded due to heavy smoke

Kids, seniors at risk as smoke from distant fires hangs over parts of B.C.

B.C. Centre for Disease Control says children’s lungs don’t fully develop until about age 10

B.C. mother charged in 7-year-old daughter’s death appears in court

The 36-year-old mother, of Langley’s Aaliyah Rosa, has been charged with second-degree murder

VIDEO: Teen soccer phenomenon Alphonso Davies to visit B.C. kids camp

The 17-year-old Vancouver Whitecap player is one of the youngest players in MLS history

New plan to lift more than two million people past the poverty line

Anti-poverty strategy will aim for 50 per cent cut in low-income rates: source

Liberals scrap lottery system for reuniting immigrants with their parents

Lottery for parent sponsorship to be replaced, more applications to be accepted

Most Read