The cupcake is dead: long live the bagel

Wonton Food, alas, has been bitten by the Political Correctness bug

H

ere’s some breaking news — the cupcake is dead.   Well, it is in New York anyway.

Crumbs Bake Shop, one of the heavy hitters in the Gotham gourmet cupcake business, has seen the value of its shares plunge 34 percent last month to an all time-low.  At one time it fetched $13 a share; now you can pick one up for $1:70.

I can’t say I’m astonished.  The cupcake craze had ‘passing fad a la Hula Hoop’ written all over it from the time the first shops opened back in the early years of the millennium.  Imagine: a phenomenon that owed its existence to a single episode of  the TV soap opera Sex and the City which happened to feature a cupcake shop.  Talk about a flimsy foundation.

For the discerning observer cupcakes were always a mere flash in the baking pan. They never grew the commercial legs of, say, doughnuts.

The doughnut. Now THERE is a gustatory delectation you can take to the bank.  Not only is the humble doughnut hale and hearty, it’s spawning new and exotic offspring faster than a Kardashian collects grooms.         The cupcake craze may be cratering in New York, but doughnut hybrids are rising in the ashes.

A Lower East Side enterprise called Doughnut Plant (motto: We Doan Need No Steenkin Sex and the City) — is doing turn-away business offering items such as a number crested with roasted chestnuts and creme brûlée.

They fly off the shelves as fast as they can bake them.

Meanwhile in Washington there’s a joint called Zeke’s DC Donutz which offers a blitz of blintzes that you’d never find at Tim Hortons. Exhibit A:  a peanut-butter frosted doughnut topped with a slice of undercooked bacon.

Which is tame stuff compared to what’s on the menu at Glam Doll Donuts of Minneapolis.

At Glam Doll, Goth-clad servers with stainless steel implants in locations you don’t want to know about dish up pricey sliders with names like Femme Fatale, Bombshell and Chart Topper, which is described as an “unexpectedly perfect topping blend of peanut butter and sriracha…”

Sriracha?  Sounds like a skin disease.

Clearly there are some major mutations going on in the world of baked buns.  Take McDonald’s. The world-famous franchise is rolling out a new version of it’s Egg McMuffin that is, um, egg-free. Well, yolk-free anyway.  It still features a whole-grain muffin, Canadian bacon and white cheese, but the rest is only egg whites, which means the all new ‘Egg White Delight’ contains about 50 fewer calories than the regular Egg McMuffin.

You don’t have to order the new version by the way; the always popular, belly-busting Egg McMuffin is still on the menu.

But the most disheartening news on the snack front has to come from Wonton Foods, a New York company that happens to manufacture most of the fortune cookies in the world.

And Wonton Food, alas, has been bitten by the Political Correctness bug.

It seems the company has been receiving complaints from consumers about the ‘romantic messages’ found in their fortune cookies.

You know — messages like ‘One who admires you greatly is hidden before your eyes’?

Well, some consumers (clearly people without actual lives) have deemed such messages ‘offensive’ and ‘sexist’.  Wonton Food is bowing to the public pressure and replacing such sentiments with treacly, Happy Face pronouncements like “You make every day special”.

Gag me with a wonton soup spoon.

 

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Parksville city hall sign. (Mandy Moraes photo)
Parksville city council approves 2021 workplan

Public input still sought on municipal budget and financial plan

Colin Springford expressed his thanks following a birthday truck parade that was held for him on his 75th birthday on April 10, 2020. (Submitted photo)
Longtime Nanoose Bay farmer Colin Springford dies at age 75

‘He will be deeply missed, always loved and never forgotten’

Nicole Shaw, left, and Sekoya Dawn next to their respective works at the Qualicum Arts Supply and Gallery in Qualicum Beach. The art will be on display until the end of February. (Mandy Moraes photo)
Acrylic artists display work in Qualicum Beach

Nicole Shaw and Sekoya Dawn both featured at Qualicum Arts Supply and Gallery

Gord John stands during question period in Ottawa in Sept. 2020. (PHOTO COURTESY CHRISTIAN DIOTTE, HOUSE OF COMMONS PHOTO SERVICES)
2020: A Year in Review with Courtenay-Alberni MP Gord Johns

NDP MP wants to ‘build back better’ in 2021

Maj.-Gen. Dany Fortin, vice-president of logistics and operations at the Public Health Agency of Canada, speaks at a news conference on the COVID-19 pandemic in Ottawa, on Friday, Jan. 15, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Justin Tang
B.C. records 500 new COVID-19 cases Wednesday, 14 deaths

Outbreak at Surrey Pretrial jail, two more in health care

Vancouver Canucks’ Travis Hamonic grabs Montreal Canadiens’ Josh Anderson by the face during first period NHL action in Vancouver, Wednesday, Jan. 20, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jonathan Hayward
Horvat scores winner as Canucks dump Habs 6-5 in shootout thriller

Vancouver and Montreal clash again Thursday night

A suspect has been arrested in connection with fires at Drinkwater Elementary (pictured) and École Mount Prevost. (Kevin Rothbauer/Citizen)
Arson suspect arrested after fires at Cowichan Valley schools

Drinkwater Elementary and Mount Prevost schools hit within a week

A woman writes a message on a memorial mural wall by street artist James “Smokey Devil” Hardy during a memorial to remember victims of illicit drug overdose deaths on International Overdose Awareness Day, in the Downtown Eastside of Vancouver, on Monday, August 31, 2020. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Darryl Dyck
B.C. paramedics respond to record-breaking number of overdose calls in 2020

On the front lines, COVID-19 has not only led to more calls, but increased the complexity

Nanaimo RCMP are seeking the public’s help after a man allegedly assaulted a clerk at James General Store on Victoria Road on Jan. 18. (Submitted photo)
Suspect screams at customer then assaults store clerk in Nanaimo

RCMP asking for information about Jan. 18 incident at James General Store

Chartwell Malaspina Care Residence in Nanaimo. (News Bulletin file photo)
Two Nanaimo care-home residents have died during COVID-19 outbreak

Death reported Monday was the second related to Chartwell Malaspina outbreak, says Island Health

Rod Bitten of Union Bay won $500,000 in the Lotto Max draw on Jan. 15. Photo supplied
Vancouver Island electrician gets shocking surprise with $500K Extra win

Rod Bitten has been hard at work with home renovations, which is… Continue reading

Eighteen-year-old Aidan Webber died in a marine accident in 2019. He was a Canadian Junior BMX champion from Nanaimo. (Submitted)
Inadequate safety training a factor in teen BMX star’s workplace death in 2019

Aidan Webber was crushed by a barge at a fish farm near Port Hardy

Oyster River Fire Rescue members were called out to a suspicious fire in Black Creek. Two vehicles parked at a private residence were destroyed by fire. Photo courtesy Oyster River Fire Rescue
Suspicious fire destroys two vehicles at Vancouver Island residence

Oyster River Fire Rescue personnel were dispatched to a fire at a… Continue reading

Most Read