True confessions of an electoral ninja

Well, what if I told you I had come out victorious after a protracted election battle and my tactical prowess had actually made a president?

It was just another question, pretty much a softball to the candidates up on the stage, but it hit me personally as I typed away on the sidelines.

What, the questioner wanted to know, is your experience and how does it relate to your candidacy for council? Predictably, the two mayoral and nine councillor candidates used it as an opportunity to reiterate their CV and then move on.

I didn’t. I couldn’t. What, I wondered, would I say if I were to be asked about my own experience in electoral politics? Do I have the experience with the sometimes infighting and dirty dealings of the political realm to really capture the shenanigans?

Well, what if I told you I had come out victorious after a protracted election battle and my tactical prowess had actually made a president?

It happened in Fort St. James, at a chamber of commerce meeting, their AGM, something I had been looking forward to for quite a while. The chamber always put on a good spread and their free monthly dinners formed a crucial part of my overall diet. For an AGM I knew they would go all out.

Before we could get to the good part though, there were speeches to endure, along with the election of a new board of directors.

It went pretty well though and I was delighted to see my buddy Charlotte, who ran a picture framing business in the same building as the Caledonia Courier office, put her name in for the board. Almost all the positions were filled, except for one director. There just wasn’t anyone willing.

“Fine,” the outgoing president said, breaking the silence at last. “We’ll deal with this after dinner.”

The food lived up to its billing and soon I was nicely bloated and a little bit tipsy.

Eventually the evening came to a close, the president stood up and thanked everyone for coming.

My hand went up.

“What about the last director?” I asked. “You said you were going to deal with it after dinner.”

There was a pause and then he smiled. “Looks like we have a volunteer!”

I looked at Charlotte, eyes wide. She was laughing.

“Welcome aboard!” she said.

I was trapped and there was nowhere to hide.

I learned something that night about politics, something I actually got to use it just one week later, when the new board of the Fort St. James Chamber of Commerce sat down for our first lunch meeting.

The main item on the agenda was to pick a president from among our ranks.

Sizing up my competition, I came up with a plan.

“Let’s think about this over lunch,” I said as I checked out the menu and saw that the special included broccoli. Eeeeeexcellent!

Sure enough, Charlotte ordered the special. Minutes later, everything was set.

You see, in politics it’s important to know the people you’re up against and I knew lots about Charlotte, including the fact that she wore dentures.

I waited until she had a big mouthful of broccoli.

“Let’s deal with this president thing,” I said, timing my words carefully. “I nominate … Charlotte!”

“Einghph!” she bubbled greenly, chewing like mad. “Mmmmph!”

“All those in favour?”

The hands flew up.

“Carried. Congratulations!” I said and gave her a big wink. “Welcome aboard.”

I rest my case.

Just Posted

Morningstar Golf Club in Parksville will host the 2021 B.C. Junior Golf Championships. (PQB News file photo)
Morningstar Golf Club in Parksville to host 150 of B.C’s top junior golfers

Provincial boys and girls championship begins June 28

Hannes Grosse, left, and Iris Steigemann, right, as they prepared for their 'Moments of Silence' exhibit. The father-daughter duo are showing at The Old School House Arts Centre in Qualicum Beach until June 26. (Submitted photo)
Cortes Island artists exhibit at Qualicum Beach’s TOSH in first father-daughter show

Both artists will be present at shows on Friday, June 25 and Saturday, June 26

The Lighthouse Country Marine Rescue Society will get more funding from the Regional District of Nanaimo. (Submitted Photo)
More PQB communities to fund Lighthouse Country Marine Rescue Society

RDN to introduce amendment to service bylaw contribution

A slide on best practices when reporting a suspected impaired driver that was presented to Parksville city council on June 7 by Margarita Bernard, a volunteer with MADD. The organization’s Report Impaired Drivers campaign involves the installation of informative signs within the City of Parksville. (Mandy Moraes photo)
MADD brings campaign to report impaired drivers to Parksville

Aim is to raise awareness that 911 should be called

People line up to get their COVID-19 vaccine at a vaccination centre, Thursday, June 10, 2021 in Montreal. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Ryan Remiorz
Vaccines, low COVID case counts increase Father’s Day hope, but risk is still there

Expert says people will have to do their own risk calculus before popping in on Papa

The Calgary skyline is seen on Friday, Sept. 15, 2017. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jeff McIntosh
2 deaths from COVID-19 Delta variant in Alberta, 1 patient was fully immunized

Kerry Williamson with Alberta Health Services says the two patients, a man and a woman likely acquired the virus in the hospital

B.C. Public Safety Minister Mike Farnworth and Attorney General David Eby attend opening of the first government-run B.C. Cannabis Store, Kamloops, Oct. 19, 2018. (B.C. government)
B.C. government to allow home cannabis delivery starting July 15

Added convenience expected to persuade buyers to ‘go legal’

The first suspension bridge is the tallest in Canada, with a second suspension bridge just below it. The two are connected by a trail that’s just over 1 km. (Claire Palmer photo)
PHOTOS: The highest suspension bridges in Canada just opened in B.C.

The Skybridge in Golden allows visitors to take in views standing at 130 and 80 metres

BC Green Party leader and Cowichan Valley MLA Sonia Furstenau introduced a petition to the provincial legislature on Thursday calling for the end of old-growth logging in the province. (File photo)
BC Green leader Furstenau introduces old-growth logging petition

Party calls for the end of old-growth logging as protests in Fairy Creek continue

B.C. Premier John Horgan leaves his office for a news conference in the legislature rose garden, June 3, 2020. (B.C. government photo)
B.C. premier roasted for office budget, taxing COVID-19 benefits

Youth addiction law that triggered election hasn’t appeared

BC Ferries’ newest Island Class vessel is experiencing an issue with one of its thrusters off the Algerian coast. Photo courtesy patbaywebcam.com.
BC Ferries newest vessel having mechanical issues in Mediterranean

Island 4 will be repaired in Spain before crossing Atlantic

A vial containing the Moderna COVID-19 vaccine is shown at a vaccination site in Marcq en Baroeul, outside Lille, northern France, Saturday, March 20, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/AP/Michel Spingler
mRNA vaccines ‘preferred’ for all Canadians, including as 2nd dose after AstraZeneca: NACI

New recommendations prioritizes Pfizer, Moderna in almost all cases

Most Read