Homo Politicianus

The discovery of remains of a hitherto unknown human-like species in a South African cave is suddenly top news.

The discovery of remains of a hitherto unknown human-like species in a South African cave is suddenly top news. It shares headlines with the tragic refugee crisis unfolding along highways and byways in Europe, and the dramatic election campaign unfolding along highways and byways in Canada.

Researchers estimate the newly-found South African specimens may date back three million years; noting the modern-looking teeth, human-like feet, and a small braincase, scientists have named them “Homo Naledi.”

Many millennia after we have left this little blue planet, chances are researchers will dig up and document some of our remains, too. Chances are they will find a specimen in Canada with very similar characteristics to the South African discovery, regarding the teeth, feet and braincase.

However, they will also find that the remains had a nose that grew considerably longer while making promises during election campaigns.

They will name their new find “Homo Harpernocchio.” Further discoveries will be made of many more specimens with this peculiar nose dysfunction, and with coloured bones; these bones will be either blue, red, orange or green, and will be designated as a related sub-species called “Homo Politicianus.”

Bernie SmithParksville

Just Posted

Winds of up to 90 km/hr forecasted to hit Vancouver Island

Environment Canada is warning that loose objects may cause damage

Parksville Qualicum Beach drivers reminded to be aware of possible icy road conditions

Shaded areas, bridge decks and corners are common areas where slippery conditions can occur

Multiple Parksville resorts report stolen Christmas decorations

Oceanside RCMP say three thefts likely occurred on same night

Tidesmen awash with festive tunes for Parksville performance

Male chorus bringing classics, and 21st century holiday love song to Knox

VIU researches importance of French Creek Estuary area

Estuary not currently included in any protected areas

Lawyer for Chinese exec detained by Canada says it’s ‘inconceivable’ she would flee

Meng Wanzhou was detained at the request of the U.S. during a layover at the Vancouver airport

BCHL player lifts Canada West to second win at World Junior A Challenge

Chilliwack Chiefs player has a three-point performance

Well-known B.C. snowmobile guide killed in rollover accident

Shuswap sledding communty mourns loss of experienced Sicamous snowmobiler

B.C.’s skyrocketing real estate market will ‘correct’ in 2019: analyst

Housing prices in Vancouver are set to rise just 0.6 per cent

Trapped humpback whale freed from salmon farm near Tofino

“All of these problems could be solved by the farms moving onto land and getting out of the ocean.”

In depth: Simple falls causing serious injuries to people over 65

Kelowna’s high population of seniors puts it in the spotlight for how it deals with seniors’ issues

Time magazine’s 2018 person of the year

The group is made up of four journalists and are the “guardians and the war on truth”

Majority of Nanaimo’s Discontent City residents moved into supportive housing sites

A few spaces remain at Terminal Avenue and Labieux Road locations

Most Read